http://www.dailyliked.net/backwards-brain-bicycle/.
I watched this video and was inspired to write this post:
I love the passion this guy has. It reminded me of a David Brooks article I read recently http://www.nytimes.com/2015/04/12/opinion/sunday/david-brooks-the-moral-bucket-list.html?_r=0
I wanted to write this for my Brother-in-Laws. This idea, which admittedly is something very obvious, is that there are people who are completely dis-engaged from life, and there are others who are completely impassioned by it. For some people, this passion for life comes from some idea (e.g. Religion). We could call this secondary passion. For others, this passion is for life itself. It comes from genuine love of helping others, or from genuine love shared with a spouse, genuine love of teaching young pupils, or of finding new knowledge, or of using your creativity to help others, or maybe from watching the sunset, or from the moon float across the sky. It could come from a lot of things, but what I didn't realize when I was younger, was that this passion can be nurtured. All I know yet, is that people who have this passion seem to lead better lives. They help others more, they do more at work, even food tastes better. Importantly, their passion is contagious, it inspires those around them too. So how does one obtain this passion? Why don't we all have it? How does it relate to our conscious experience and Truth?
I would wager that those people who are completely impassioned or completely dispassionate were not born that way (barring medical disorders). Rather, they have nurtured that passion or neglected it. I think this nuturing must be the most powerful force of all. After all, even people who face extreme hardship, with the right atttitude, can still maintain their heart. But undoubtedly life circumstances play a role, too. Exactly how though I am not sure. Some of the most dispassionate people I know have see the most favorable circumstances (wealth, grades, etc.) And some of the most passionate, have come from the toughtest circumstances.
What about nature? Maybe kids are just born with a certain capacity for passion for life. I think this is face-value wrong, but maybe this is from my own experience (e.g. I feel that I have changed in my capacity (n=1)). I also feel I have seen others change, usually this is to be less passionate, but sometimes also for more. Or some people lead more complex patterns, they start passionate, go dry for a while, then gain their passion back later (parabolic, perhaps?).
As such, I will very unscientifically conclude that passion can be nurtured. In fact, it must be nurtured, or life will dry you out like a raisin in the sun. You might have some innate capacity, but this doesn't last you much beyond adolescence. After this, the passion you bring to you life is up to you. You make it, or you can destroy it. You could destroy it really fast if you do bad shit (personal experience speaking). You can build it up with good choices. Interestingly, you can also build it with Mindfulness and meditations, or with biking or yoga. Like I said at the outset, all this is obvious, but I don't think we think about this all the time. We go on thinking about our preoccupations and not focusing on what matters.
But what I wanted to talk about most of all, was how who you choose to hang out with effects your passion. Completely dispassionate people will dry you up in ways you don't even realize. They will dry you up not with what they say but with the contagion of their attitude. It shows in the implicit assumptions they make, the foundations of their thought, which you necessarily invoke when listening. The odd thing about thoughts, and about the human capacity for empathy, is that is makes thoughts contagious. Less so than the flu, but certainly more than most people think about. And so I write to them to warn them. Be on the look out for dispassionate people. You have been spoiled at home, surrounded by passionate people, but the world is not always like this. Some places are rich with passion and others are like passion-deserts. You should always be careful in passion deserts, you will get thirsty and maybe make mistakes.
But work is work, and I think it is what we do in our free time that matters most. It is when we recharge our soul and our love for life (for most of us). This is what made me write this. Find what you love, and find people who share that love, and a love of good things. But most of all, find friends who will help you. Find ones who will remind you that the light exists when you fall in the dark shadows that adversity may cast in your life. But most of all, the impetus of me to write this was to warn you about those who don't emit light at all, but who instead want to pull you down into darkness. We were with a dark person the other night. I won't go much further than to say that she really seemed not to care much about anything. She seemed miserable, awful really. I felt bad for her, but the worst part was, she wasn't honest about it. She acted like she wasn't sad, and that it was cool. But if you listened to her, you could watch her lips quiver with sadness a bit as she spoke. These are the most dangerous kinds of sad people. They don't tell you, they don't ask for help. And in reality, you can't help them.
I wish I knew how to teach you to recognize these, but I don't know what else to do other than to tell you to be careful.
Wednesday, May 27, 2015
Saturday, April 18, 2015
Reminders of What Life is Really About
I had a really tough time in High School, as I think most people did. To help me remember what really mattered, I used to keep a composition notebook with me in which I would write all the times I remembered things that were important about how to live.
At least for me, that is how I find purpose in things. In little bits and pieces, in the smiles of strangers, the warmth of a cup of coffee on a cool night, a hug from a friend, or a kiss from a lover. It is odd really. One might expect a more unified, cogent view of purpose, but it has never appeared to me that way. Rather it appears and then vanishes, but only pieces of it are visible each time. Some times I can keep it in view for days, but other times it seems lost, out of view or at least out of focus.
Thinking back to what I used to write in that notebook, makes me smile. Both with warmth from the hope it offered, and from that wry irony that hits you when you look back at your old self and your old thoughts. I think about things so differently now. I was so much more Christian back then, or at least more religious. I was also so much more self assured. I thought that being smart mattered. Since I have found it matters little in areas of real import. But most of the bits of meaning I found back then had nothing to do with these things. They were about love, and loss, and meaning.
I haven't been recording things as well lately, but I think it is time to start. I have found that, especially as you get older and busier, it is easier to lose sight of those little bits of meaning. I have also found that they become all the more important. Teenagers are foolish, but adults are dangerous.
As such, I think I want to start writing them down again, so I suppose I will record them here. Perhaps they may be of use to someone else too.
04/17 - I want to be a radiant person, someone who projects that inner light. Not because I feel like I have to, or I should. Maybe partly because I feel like I can be. But mostly because I want to. Perhaps it is a latent desire to pay back those who have done something nice for me. I feel like I'm not good at it, but that is no reason not to try.
http://mobile.nytimes.com/2015/04/12/opinion/sunday/david-brooks-the-moral-bucket-list.html?referrer=&_r=0
04/17 - I dedicate this one to my friends, Keyan and Mercedes, who kept me company on a lonely Saturday night when my wife was at work. They invited me over to watch a movie and stayed up with me even though they were tired. I hope I do the same, the next time I have the chance.
Friends > sleep
At least for me, that is how I find purpose in things. In little bits and pieces, in the smiles of strangers, the warmth of a cup of coffee on a cool night, a hug from a friend, or a kiss from a lover. It is odd really. One might expect a more unified, cogent view of purpose, but it has never appeared to me that way. Rather it appears and then vanishes, but only pieces of it are visible each time. Some times I can keep it in view for days, but other times it seems lost, out of view or at least out of focus.
Thinking back to what I used to write in that notebook, makes me smile. Both with warmth from the hope it offered, and from that wry irony that hits you when you look back at your old self and your old thoughts. I think about things so differently now. I was so much more Christian back then, or at least more religious. I was also so much more self assured. I thought that being smart mattered. Since I have found it matters little in areas of real import. But most of the bits of meaning I found back then had nothing to do with these things. They were about love, and loss, and meaning.
I haven't been recording things as well lately, but I think it is time to start. I have found that, especially as you get older and busier, it is easier to lose sight of those little bits of meaning. I have also found that they become all the more important. Teenagers are foolish, but adults are dangerous.
As such, I think I want to start writing them down again, so I suppose I will record them here. Perhaps they may be of use to someone else too.
04/17 - I want to be a radiant person, someone who projects that inner light. Not because I feel like I have to, or I should. Maybe partly because I feel like I can be. But mostly because I want to. Perhaps it is a latent desire to pay back those who have done something nice for me. I feel like I'm not good at it, but that is no reason not to try.
http://mobile.nytimes.com/2015/04/12/opinion/sunday/david-brooks-the-moral-bucket-list.html?referrer=&_r=0
04/17 - I dedicate this one to my friends, Keyan and Mercedes, who kept me company on a lonely Saturday night when my wife was at work. They invited me over to watch a movie and stayed up with me even though they were tired. I hope I do the same, the next time I have the chance.
Friends > sleep
Saturday, April 4, 2015
For Goodness Sake, Secure the Border so we can Talk Seriously about the Undocumented Persons Problem
Dear Government (President and Congress and Courts),
Please secure the border. This undocumented persons problem is out of control.
This problem has recently come into my fullest attention. I previously recognized that we had an issue, especially in Houston. But it was not until the problem cost me personally thousand of dollars, that I really had a dog in the fight.
Two weeks ago, my wife and I were driving home after having dinner with my parents. We were almost at our house pulling through a green light when a car veered across the intersection into our car. It had been travelling the opposite direction and had a green light (but not an arrow) on a left turn yield. Needless to say they did not yield. And at the worst of my fears, a young, poor looking hispanic women stepped out of the vehicle. She spoke no English, and wouldn't give me her insurance. She no doubt had no knowledge of the norms of our country. She also probably doesn't understand left turn yields.
We find out from the police later that she had no drivers license at all. She was almost certainly undocumented. Somehow, she had insurance, but it was from some company who basically charged her money, but refused to cover any claims (since she has no license). And this is legal, why?? WTF?
My wife's car was totaled. It was the first big purchase we ever made together, and now it was gone. All the airbags deployed, the front exploded. It was destroyed. Along with the destruction of the car itself, we lost the $6000 we put down, and all the taxes we had paid already. And a whole lot of peace of mind. We also lost days of work dealing with the ensuing calamity of dealing with this scamming insurance company. Eventually we had to file with out own insurance company under our uninsured, underinsured policy. This allows us to get a new car, but will not repay us for our losses. We have to pay more for the same car because we have no money to put down. Unfortunately, only the other driver is liable for this loss, and it is unlikely we will ever be able to get her to pay. We have not found a lawyer to take up our case yet. The amount we seek is small, and it will be a fight to obtain it since this person could flee the country at any time and come back under a new name...
I waited to write this for 2 weeks because I wanted to be calm. I am as calm as I think I will be, but this accident has really changed (or focused) our view of the problem. My wife and I used to be quite permissive of their presence. We eat their food, live in the houses they build much of, and see them on a daily basis. My wife treats them on a daily basis in the hospital. We live near many of them.
On the other hand, we also pay to educate their children. We also pay for their healthcare (through the county). We also pay for their transport (through metro) and they clog our roads. They commit crime and wreck cars, and those injured have little recourse. In the weeks since the accident, we realized that 3 of our friends had been in similar wrecks in just the last few months. This is practically an epidemic and is causing countless Americans thousands of dollars in losses
Isn't it time we do something?
I don't see how it isn't. And before you write me off as a zealot. I am an independent, often liberal voter.
I think we need to do something about it, and I don't think the answer is to kick them out. This would likely be too difficult to achieve anyway. We need to deal with the ones hear are here. There ought to be an emergency ICE taskforce assigned to this. They need to be issued work permits, and be integrated into society as quickly as possible. The government owes this to its citizens, it is their job. It is not fair that we in border states have to suffer.
Of course, before we do this, reason also dictates we secure the border. You cannot give free acceptance to those here before making sure that more do not come. The presence of those here already is burden enough to our economy and tax-payers. We already pay for so much for them.
For college for their kids even. And I think this is probably a good thing, it is helping them integrate which is what we need.
More importantly, we can let more in once we deal with the enormous backlog we have built up through years of unrestricted flow through our border. If you agree, let you government officials know and vote accordingly. I don't want anything extreme or partisan. I just want the problem solved, once and for all!!
If you have a better idea, let me know. I would love to hear it!
Please secure the border. This undocumented persons problem is out of control.
This problem has recently come into my fullest attention. I previously recognized that we had an issue, especially in Houston. But it was not until the problem cost me personally thousand of dollars, that I really had a dog in the fight.
Two weeks ago, my wife and I were driving home after having dinner with my parents. We were almost at our house pulling through a green light when a car veered across the intersection into our car. It had been travelling the opposite direction and had a green light (but not an arrow) on a left turn yield. Needless to say they did not yield. And at the worst of my fears, a young, poor looking hispanic women stepped out of the vehicle. She spoke no English, and wouldn't give me her insurance. She no doubt had no knowledge of the norms of our country. She also probably doesn't understand left turn yields.
We find out from the police later that she had no drivers license at all. She was almost certainly undocumented. Somehow, she had insurance, but it was from some company who basically charged her money, but refused to cover any claims (since she has no license). And this is legal, why?? WTF?
My wife's car was totaled. It was the first big purchase we ever made together, and now it was gone. All the airbags deployed, the front exploded. It was destroyed. Along with the destruction of the car itself, we lost the $6000 we put down, and all the taxes we had paid already. And a whole lot of peace of mind. We also lost days of work dealing with the ensuing calamity of dealing with this scamming insurance company. Eventually we had to file with out own insurance company under our uninsured, underinsured policy. This allows us to get a new car, but will not repay us for our losses. We have to pay more for the same car because we have no money to put down. Unfortunately, only the other driver is liable for this loss, and it is unlikely we will ever be able to get her to pay. We have not found a lawyer to take up our case yet. The amount we seek is small, and it will be a fight to obtain it since this person could flee the country at any time and come back under a new name...
I waited to write this for 2 weeks because I wanted to be calm. I am as calm as I think I will be, but this accident has really changed (or focused) our view of the problem. My wife and I used to be quite permissive of their presence. We eat their food, live in the houses they build much of, and see them on a daily basis. My wife treats them on a daily basis in the hospital. We live near many of them.
On the other hand, we also pay to educate their children. We also pay for their healthcare (through the county). We also pay for their transport (through metro) and they clog our roads. They commit crime and wreck cars, and those injured have little recourse. In the weeks since the accident, we realized that 3 of our friends had been in similar wrecks in just the last few months. This is practically an epidemic and is causing countless Americans thousands of dollars in losses
Isn't it time we do something?
I don't see how it isn't. And before you write me off as a zealot. I am an independent, often liberal voter.
I think we need to do something about it, and I don't think the answer is to kick them out. This would likely be too difficult to achieve anyway. We need to deal with the ones hear are here. There ought to be an emergency ICE taskforce assigned to this. They need to be issued work permits, and be integrated into society as quickly as possible. The government owes this to its citizens, it is their job. It is not fair that we in border states have to suffer.
Of course, before we do this, reason also dictates we secure the border. You cannot give free acceptance to those here before making sure that more do not come. The presence of those here already is burden enough to our economy and tax-payers. We already pay for so much for them.
For college for their kids even. And I think this is probably a good thing, it is helping them integrate which is what we need.
More importantly, we can let more in once we deal with the enormous backlog we have built up through years of unrestricted flow through our border. If you agree, let you government officials know and vote accordingly. I don't want anything extreme or partisan. I just want the problem solved, once and for all!!
If you have a better idea, let me know. I would love to hear it!
Tuesday, February 24, 2015
A Tribute to Scott Austin
Words always seem to fall so short in situations like this. They are always inadequate to express the loss, they cannot re-capture what a person meant. The warmth of his hugs. The smell of his smoky coffee-tinged breath. The depth of his caring. I cannot record my love for this man, what he meant to me, and how I feel he changed the world, but I want to try. I want to write down what I remember of him so I won't ever forget his life, or the lessons I learned from being with him. Though I never could anyway, for those lessons are in my heart.
I met Dr. Austin my first year of college, at the philosophy club meetings he so beloved. It was the first meeting of the year of the club, which basically consisted of a bunch of yahoos discussing things and watching movies. He always came a couple times a year, but mostly avoided them so as not to disrupt the natural sharing of the undergrads. I knew he was special from the first day I met him. His baggy pants and half-tucked shirt barely concealing his gentle soul. It is immediately apparent to anyone what a loving and caring person he was. His disarming nature was one of my favorite things. But this nature wasn't really something visible. It was in his attitude. You could hear it in the way he spoke, always cautious to avoid quick judgment. His genuine concern and humility could open anyone to share even the hardest things. I remember often being tempted to tell him thoughts I hadn't told very many people, things I often didn't even admit to myself.
Our friendship continued to blossom during my years at A&M. I took 2 of his classes, and he mercifully graded my mediocre philosophy writings. He liked to teach MWF at 8 AM. This wasn't a problem for him since he liked to go to bed around 8 and wake up at 4AM but it was rough for us undergrads. While he would never make attendance compulsory, he certainly appreciated those who came and would lure us in every Friday with donuts from the Shipley's by his house. In Philosophy 101 we covered the basics, mostly focusing on Plato's Dialogues. But also working through Dante's Inferno and Zen and the art of Motorcycle maintenance. In later years I took his Ancient Philosophy Class and we studied the classic works of Greek Philosophy and some of the foundational Eastern works. His grading policy was always the same a little participation, and then 2 large essays. But what made Dr. Austin's classes great was his mastery of the material, and also his openness to all kinds of viewpoints. Even viewpoints which he might have thought quite silly.
Sadly, I didn't get to take anymore of his classes, but from that point forward our friendship grew even more. I became an officer in the philosophy club. With a team of close friends and fellow officers, we began to expand what it did. He never directly told me so, but I knew it made him happy to see the club he loved so much thriving. To see people discussing philosophy during the week and even occasionally volunteering in the community and also hanging out in fellowship with each other. Philosophy club was evolving into somewhat of a fellowship club for the agnostics and milder Christians. It was certainly not as militant as breakaway or as the "atheist" club. If you know anything about A&M, you know it could be intimidating for those who don't share the majority view. We provided a place for people to be open and share, and to dissent. We had Christians, agnostics, and atheists alike and I know it thrilled Dr. Austin.
Eventually though, my time at A&M was coming to an end. I was applying to medical school, and again Dr. Austin was thrilled, but I was sad to leave. Sad to leave the club I loved. Sad to not see a man I loved nearly as often. But luckily I graduated in Dec. 2011 so I had some time to transition out of the club and out of the university while still being in College Station. My fiance (now wife) went to dinner with Dr. Austin many times that semester. We would usually go to Rosie Pho, this incredible Vietnamese place that (for some reason) is in College Station. He always told us we should meet him at Taz, another restaurant in town. Sadly, we never did. But I look fondly back on those dinners we shared. I remember with great sadness the spicy calamari he loved so much to share.
Then, we moved away. I imagine this must be one of the saddest parts of being a professor. The people you love so much leave. But Ariana and I had to go to medical school in Houston. Dr. Austin of course had written me a letter of recommendation. I actually received compliments on that letter of rec, surely not on account of my valor, but probably on account of his kindness. We would make it back to College Station just a couple more times, always trying to get dinner with him to share what was going on.
But turmoil would then strike our lives. I left medical school after the first year and everything became mixed up. I lost what I had wanted to do. I had to completely redefine who I was, and what my goals were in life. I struggled for a good bit on my own, and then I turned again to the wise man who I trusted and loved. I met with him for coffee one day at A&M (which at this point in time had a starbucks in the MSC.... wtf?). It didn't make everything better at that time, but it was just the little bit of hope I needed. He bought my coffee that day and we talked about the different options. More importantly, he reminded me of some aspects of myself I had forgotten. Like he always did. Dr. Austin brought out the best in people. And this is what I want to remember about him.
Dr. Austin, I love you and miss you. I wish you the eternal peace which I hope a good life brings. But above all, I want you to know what an impact you had on me. My experience and life would not have been the same without you.
Our friendship continued to blossom during my years at A&M. I took 2 of his classes, and he mercifully graded my mediocre philosophy writings. He liked to teach MWF at 8 AM. This wasn't a problem for him since he liked to go to bed around 8 and wake up at 4AM but it was rough for us undergrads. While he would never make attendance compulsory, he certainly appreciated those who came and would lure us in every Friday with donuts from the Shipley's by his house. In Philosophy 101 we covered the basics, mostly focusing on Plato's Dialogues. But also working through Dante's Inferno and Zen and the art of Motorcycle maintenance. In later years I took his Ancient Philosophy Class and we studied the classic works of Greek Philosophy and some of the foundational Eastern works. His grading policy was always the same a little participation, and then 2 large essays. But what made Dr. Austin's classes great was his mastery of the material, and also his openness to all kinds of viewpoints. Even viewpoints which he might have thought quite silly.
Sadly, I didn't get to take anymore of his classes, but from that point forward our friendship grew even more. I became an officer in the philosophy club. With a team of close friends and fellow officers, we began to expand what it did. He never directly told me so, but I knew it made him happy to see the club he loved so much thriving. To see people discussing philosophy during the week and even occasionally volunteering in the community and also hanging out in fellowship with each other. Philosophy club was evolving into somewhat of a fellowship club for the agnostics and milder Christians. It was certainly not as militant as breakaway or as the "atheist" club. If you know anything about A&M, you know it could be intimidating for those who don't share the majority view. We provided a place for people to be open and share, and to dissent. We had Christians, agnostics, and atheists alike and I know it thrilled Dr. Austin.
Eventually though, my time at A&M was coming to an end. I was applying to medical school, and again Dr. Austin was thrilled, but I was sad to leave. Sad to leave the club I loved. Sad to not see a man I loved nearly as often. But luckily I graduated in Dec. 2011 so I had some time to transition out of the club and out of the university while still being in College Station. My fiance (now wife) went to dinner with Dr. Austin many times that semester. We would usually go to Rosie Pho, this incredible Vietnamese place that (for some reason) is in College Station. He always told us we should meet him at Taz, another restaurant in town. Sadly, we never did. But I look fondly back on those dinners we shared. I remember with great sadness the spicy calamari he loved so much to share.
Then, we moved away. I imagine this must be one of the saddest parts of being a professor. The people you love so much leave. But Ariana and I had to go to medical school in Houston. Dr. Austin of course had written me a letter of recommendation. I actually received compliments on that letter of rec, surely not on account of my valor, but probably on account of his kindness. We would make it back to College Station just a couple more times, always trying to get dinner with him to share what was going on.
But turmoil would then strike our lives. I left medical school after the first year and everything became mixed up. I lost what I had wanted to do. I had to completely redefine who I was, and what my goals were in life. I struggled for a good bit on my own, and then I turned again to the wise man who I trusted and loved. I met with him for coffee one day at A&M (which at this point in time had a starbucks in the MSC.... wtf?). It didn't make everything better at that time, but it was just the little bit of hope I needed. He bought my coffee that day and we talked about the different options. More importantly, he reminded me of some aspects of myself I had forgotten. Like he always did. Dr. Austin brought out the best in people. And this is what I want to remember about him.
Dr. Austin, I love you and miss you. I wish you the eternal peace which I hope a good life brings. But above all, I want you to know what an impact you had on me. My experience and life would not have been the same without you.
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